Friday, January 22
After a little break we are finally back with a new Friday's fun every week ...
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five
miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the
hell she is.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because
I hate plants.
I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you
must eat it with naked fat people.
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be
caught dead in otherwise.
Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress
... But I repeat myself.
My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake
and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said,
"Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim."
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's
how dogs spend their lives.